Friday, May 1, 2015

Saying GOODBYE to Rowdy

This past Saturday Greg and I were ecstatic to receive a rambunctious and sweet bundle of joy named Rowdy.  He was a 20 month Australian Shepherd full of energy, cleverness ,& the desire to be cared for ( showed carinho) much like myself so naturally I related a lot to this dog & an instant connection was established .

From Saturday to Thursday we took him to the dog park for at least an hour and a half every day early in the morning,followed by some quality down time, playtime, walks &cuddles. 
He was gentle,sweet,curious and smart.
He was also very territorial and protective of me so if you stepped on our turf without him getting to know you first he shamelessly barked at you until he sniffed you out enough to know you weren't a threat, then play with you. He played with humans ( catch,sit on your lap, tug, hide and seek) & with the other dogs at the dog park so well -despite his constant sniffing that dogs do - each day he got better at feeling more comfortable playing with all these new dogs.

He adapted to change so well in his brief time with us,and of course there were still things we were working on such as getting him to learn the command "off" because he was so excited to see you so he placed his front paws on you standing straight until you hugged him back.

As the days went by he got better and better but we were a little concerned because of a few habits that were a little questionable that we just assigned to the reality of him adjusting to change. Such as eating grass, not eating much of his food, cleaning himself a little more than usual and a few odd interactions with people.

The good obviously outweighed the bad in so many ways! Greg and I just agreed that he was adjusting to the new environment. Because he was adapting very well and had so much love to give, which made giving him away last night all the harder.

Last night I took him to a friends softball game and I sat there with him and he was terrified. His behavior was out of the ordinary because normally I am able to calm him down, but he was just so panicked it seemed and distraught.
He was whimpering out of what appeared to be immense fear .I didn't think much of it because I just thought "okay it's a baseball game new experience, bats and balls can be scary whatever he does great in all other social settings he'll be fine once he gets used to them " 
Heartbreakingly so this was not the case last night,he was more riled up then ever before and after very successful 5 to 10 minute straight intervals of calming him down /comforting him as he whimpered one final spook broke the straw on this dogs back and he lost it. I tried to restrain him as a means to reassure him everything would be okay, but in his fearful mind and limited knowledge he found the best approach was to bite me in the shoulder.
I was absolutely shocked.
If you had met this dog and if you had played with him you would've been shocked too.
At a loss for what to do I called Greg, & as I predicted the moment he bit me; something was going to change.

Obviously the territorial and protective nature of this dog towards me pales in comparison to that of Greg towards me.
Greg was livid to not only find out that the dog bit me,but even through a few layers of clothing managed to break skin & draw blood. Then he said these words that quite frankly brought me in to hyperventilating " we're getting rid of that dog tonight".
Now mind you Greg is the biggest sap for dogs I know, there's easily a few pups that he would choose to hang out with any day over certain humans. So as I wept, he encouraged me to take deep breath.
I urged Greg, as I managed to fumble some thoughts out throughout the oceans of my tears, to keep him because I love him as much as I could love a dog and he was my best dog friend and he was so sweet and playful and kind and our favorite companion and my sous chef in the kitchen and our favorite lap dog in our favorite road trip buddy and we had just grown SO attached to him SO fast and how it wasn't fair to get rid of him just because of one mistake.

Greg's response was the kind of things you see in TV,read in the movies, and hope for...in fact it was better because it was so authentic .

He reminded me that I am his first and foremost priority, he cried with me over the phone because of both my physical & emotional pain,& because I needed him he dropped everything at work so he could be on his way to the baseball game to figure it out with me.

As I saw his car in the parking lot I simultaneously walked &sobbed across the field, knowing that I would have to say goodbye to rowdy, Greg got out of his car, compassionately walked towards me and without a word as a knight in shining armor would scooped me up into his loving arms and held me as I cried , carrying me through this unavoidable heartache & into the car.

That's the thing about being me, being someone who is extremely emotive, you feel everything exponentially.

As we drove home prayed about it, we  decided to rip the Band-Aid off & we called his previous owners who said should anything happen to just bring him back so we packed up the car and that's exactly what we did.
His owners were extremely apologetic and equally - if not more so -shocked at his behavior especially after hearing be had been doing so well. As Greg and I said our goodbyes to our first pup as husband and wife, it brought me so  much peace to know I wasn't giving up on him because I messed up or because he bit me or because he was sick but because I wanted to hand him over to those who could take the best care of him and afford to give him the treatment he needs. To those who aren't phased by having to figure it out and will know exactly what's going on.

Not gonna lie I was a little mad at Rowdy because I was trying to love him when he bit me and I said to Greg "WHY? why did he have to bite me I was trying to love him didn't he see that I was trying take care of him I was trying to prevent him from harm and keep him safe and let him know that everything was going to be okay " and that's when I thought about how we do that to God, how sometimes WE BITE in his attempts to keep us safe, or in his attempts to comfort us we shout ' I got this' only causing pain & oh how awful that feels to be bitten when you're only intention is to demonstrate love .
But oh what SWEET RELIEF to know God isn't phased by our bark or our bite or our sickness .GOD ISN'T phased by having to figure it out because HE ALREADY KNOWS EXACTLY what's going on.

In regards to Rowdy, I felt additional peace when I suggested they take him to the vet to see if anything was wrong with then healthwise because his behavior was so out of nature. They not only agreed to the possibility of him being sick, but also reassured that they would take him to the vet to see if he is sick & keep us posted to Rowdy's health.

It is so difficult to lose something you love even only if you've only loved it for 5 1/2 days, yes I have eliminated the possibility of getting him back - the dreamer in me -even if they are able to figure out what is ever wrong with him, & I keep lavender spray and passionfruit juice within reach to keep me calm .
So it wasn't easy but life is good and I am thankful .
Thankful to have been a good steward of this animal God created as he commanded, thankful to have made  so many sweet memories with my husband & this pup, but above all I'm thankful that last night as I got cozy in bed asking "why" just one more time " this verse came to mind " the Lord gives and the Lord takes away" and at the end of the day the greatest joy isn't in what I have but in the Lord who loves me.

So here's to saying goodbye to Rowdy and the wonderful laughter filled 5 1/2 days we spent with him,& to the joy being loved by the King brings.




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