It's vital before getting married to have those serious discussions.
To discuss one another's stances on a variety of issues in life,
that directly and indirectly affect the way you live,
both as individuals & as a couple.
It is crucial to be as transparent as possible, no holds barred.
A minuscule example that is about to make me seem real pathetic;
I DON'T enjoy doing the dishes.
whatsover.
at all.
I did when I was a kid,
I don't as a grown up,
& if I had the choice
I would never do the dishes again.
Greg knows this about me.
HE KNOWS,
he doesn't get mad & isn't surprised if they're not done
now of course he doesn't like it,
but he at no point went into the marriage with the disillusion that
" Thressa likes doing the dishes" or
" Thressa doesn't like it now.... but she will in time"
So even now, 10 months in as i do the dishes & smile ,
its not because I like it
or because he "changed" me.
It's because we were free to be honest, we discussed it ALL.
and the simple reality that it needs done.
** let me be clear Greg does above & beyond his fair share of the dishes
Greg, he hates pairing socks.
It's tedious, they frustrate him,& he never really cared for socks to begin with.
But when he does the laundry & socks are unpaired I'm not phased.
I just do my thing & pair away.
Discussing and understanding both the minuscule & major issues
are extremely beneficial, & I can't stress that enough
Well at least it was for Greg & I.
If you haven't done this thus far, stop reading my blog, & start talking.
Cover as much territory as possible.
No need to thank me later.
Even being the non-commitment person that I am,
I was committed on certain things, husband or not.
Amongst the many miniscual things such as dishes & socks,
there were many major things we agreed on from the get.
One of which being children.
Early on we knew, we both wanted to be parents.
Whether naturally or through adoption,
that was a mutual non-negotiable.
And before you get ahead of yourself, I am currently menstruating, so no.
And before you get ahead of yourself again, no we're not "trying" to either.
But,
having a dog, having to name that dog,
& laughing at each others ideas for names
got us thinking about kids.
And though you thought you thought you knew where this post was headed
" Got it Thressa; be as transparent as can be always, & especially
in discussing each others stances on minor & major things "
Partially,
that was all a lead up
a prologue if you will
to a brief dialogue based on a true conversation between Greg & I
as we threw around ideas for kids names;
"I've always loved Rahab." - T
" no. Thressa your serious? Our daughter would be bullied for life" - G
" well my name is Thressa & I was still bullied all throughout life" -T
" yea but ... come on... you know what people are gonna think of her" -G
" people are gonna think what they're gonna think regardless"- T
" Thressa, that's sweet but be realistic...." - G
"what so it's realistic for everyone to name their sons David, Moses, or Noah, even though they weren't always stand up guys, come on gimme a break" -T
"listen, i love you & i get what your point, but --"-G
" yea Greg? what is my point? who is she to you? when you think of her
what do you think of?" - T
" ... she was a prostitute in the old testament, who helped the spies escape, & because of that her and her families lives were spared by a scarlet rope" - G
" She was a heroine, she was a woman who was brave, who when she discovered God EVERYTHING in her life changed, & her descendant is Jesus. And if she's worthy of being part of the lineage of grace,
she's worthy of our daughters name" -T
" yea but when people hear her name they're only gonna remember the prostitute part of her life, nobodies gonna hear Rahab & think the way you do"-G
"you can. it starts with you Greg.
you can look at people & at the sound of their name
hear only the yucky stuff that really we are all guilty of to some degree
OR
you can look at people & at the sound of their name,
hear the clamor of redemption,
how God can change everything" - T
"okay...MAYBE her middle name" - G
to my one or two readers;
IT STARTS WITH YOU
do a heart check
it hurts doesn't it ? when people think of you, or hear your name
& all they remember you for, all they recall is all the wrongs or hurts.
Because we're all guilty of the yucky stuff to some degree,
yet at the sound of His name there's redemption,
that changes EVERYTHING.
I challenge myself & I challenge you
to stop looking at people
for who they once were, how they were once yucky,
how they are sometimes still & will occasionally act yucky from time to time,
& instead when you hear their name,
hear the clamor of redemption that is the name JESUS;
& remember that he was a descendant of Rahab.
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